tHe stoRy of miNe

Posted: Januari 2, 2009 in CurHat, dear Diary, ImPiaN, JuSt sHaRin9, mY oWn sToRy
Tag:, ,

want to forward email but internet connection is still error. : ( today is the first day in new year 2009. i havent made any resolution for this year. it’s flexibel. really…really….i havent changed my whole self. there was progress, but some were still the same.

the good things were…. about my status. 1 year ago, i was a jobless for some month after graduation. But now, Alhamdulillah… I have been working. I get salary, so I can pay my necessities alone just by my self. including take an english course. now, I can treat my family and others. I can give my money for them who need. Alhamdulillah. : )

And you know,,,,, my another dream came true. it has been reality. you know what? Have a trip to another city. yeah…i went to outside of  jakarta. out of Java Island. Just only 1 place. but someday I have many duty and job, so that will make me for going around Indonesia, and maybe someday to other country. around the word. : )

Hmmmh… Keep on the right way. All of things I hv got are temporary… just ” a car ” to help me going to the Heaven. Back to the purity.

Beside that, I hv been confident with my English. nevertheless, I must still learn more and more to improve my English better and better. Years ago, I was really unconfident, and was shy to write and speak English. But now, I think I have a good progress in English. Alhamdulillah….: )

But Unfortunately, i didnt have any progress for my personality, spirituality and sociality. I’m still i was in years ago, I think. Huufhhh……..Hard to change. But it’s a must.

Bout my personality,,, hmmh…. I dont know. But I think I am more understand with my self. It is caused by many things happen in my life. sadness and happiness. oh ya, you know … now, I am enjoy with my new activity. yes,, writting. writting as my hobby, habbit, treatment to share everything happened in my life. I wanna be more open with my self. Although, just sharing through writting…. not with parents or friends. It doesnt matter. it will be healthy for me. right? But unfortunately, i usually write at this blog depends on my mood. yeah maybe i’m a moody person. sometimes like this, sometimes like that. sometimes i can write for a long time and very easy to transfer my own story on my mind and my heart into writing, but sometimes it was really hard for me to transfer what’s up in my life, what Iwas  thinking in my mind, what I was feeling in my heart, even just only one word to transfer.

Ok. Back to the top bout my personality. I think I’m a sensitive person. Melancholic. It can be positive and negative. So, must be balance. I prefer to live alone, work alone, and independent. But sometimes I need u many people to charge my days become crowd. What a strange I am. But for charging my energy, I need to be alone. so Introvert I am…

bout my spirituality. What a pity me…!! : ( Hmmh….. I think,  I had less motivate to read many religious book as much as long time ago. And I havent been a better person yet. My heart, my spiritual was up and down. Please God… Keep my self on the right track. My memorize Qur’an havent been more. hmmh…. I’m so shy be my self. BUt I really want to be closer with U the Almigthy God.

bout my sociality, it means meeting someone as my soulmate. Ohhhhhh…….. there is love everywhere. BUt I am not able to reach one of them. I am afraid to love someone, and very afraid to be loved by someone. but you know…… some man like me, but I really dont care, coz I worried. I dont know why. What a strange I am until this time. sometimes, I really miss someone. but I dont know who someone i mean is. I’m only human. I have ever felt as others. like someone, annoy someone, hate someone. Hahaha…. but the hardest thing is when i miss someone, but that person doesnt know what i feel.  but i couldnt have what i wish. couldnt reach what i want. couldnt believe what i think. Hohoho…. : (  : (

still wait…waiting everytime.  make a wish, just a dream will not be true. wasting the time, wasting the energy. so pity me. couldnt speak with you what i want to say bout this feeling. it’s hurt. make me hurt. very hurt. Where is the love. Love is mine. My Love. Love is so hard, so difficult to be real. if it comes in the wrong time, in the wrong situation. Haaah……….. so tired. Wish this problem will be over soon.


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